We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
