i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
