I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
