Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
