Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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