So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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