my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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