I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He told me they were just razor bumps!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
