Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
