member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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