It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Someone signed my nipple.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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