I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
