I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
