So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
