Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
