Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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