I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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