you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
