I just made out with a guy for $7.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
