i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
