kristin has been a bad kristin
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
