false alarm. still invincible.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
