That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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