Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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