but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
