Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
