That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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