i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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