At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
