remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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