Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
accomplished twins. life is a go
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
