i love accidental penises.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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