I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
