Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
