dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
