Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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