So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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