Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
