I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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