it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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