the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
