I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
