my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
