i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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