mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
