Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
