At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
