I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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