The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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