names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
