There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
