There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
