wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
