she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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