hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
