I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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