I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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