i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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