I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
