Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
